Florida Agenda

By AJ Cross

Imagine that you are losing your home to foreclosure, and have just found out that you are about to be dismissed from your job because your employer can no longer afford you. With very little money saved, and a mountain of bills so high that you could paper your walls with them, you find yourself searching for a way out. How did you get here? You were financially responsible, worked as hard as anyone, and now find that you are losing everything. To top it off, you realize that people once eager to see you socially aren’t interested in hanging out with you in your home, because you simply can’t afford to go out.

Loneliness takes over quickly and unexpectedly.

You are not alone. Millions of Americans are going through the same dilemma. Here comes the scary truth. You will more than likely lose your home. You will more than likely lose your car as well, unless you are able to find enough money to hold on to it for one month longer. I do not tell you to this to bring you down, but to prepare you for what needs to be done.

You are going to have to make the “Climb.” You are going to have to step out of your comfort zone and consider possibilities for generating revenue that you never would have before. Harder still, you will have to let go of your ego and pride and put that nerve-shaken hand out and ask for help. Now more than ever, with so many people experiencing similar circumstances, people are showing compassion, empathy and humanit–and someone will likely help you. They may help you to find a job, or put you in contact with someone that perhaps has helped them in prolonging the foreclosure and eviction process just a little bit longer.

Ignore the letters in the mail from socalled help-with-foreclosure companies. Find out if you qualify for any governmental relief (but don’t hold your breath on that). Fannie Mae may be an option, but the process is long, and the bank that holds your mortgage may not even work with Fannie Mae. The first part of the climb is to get money back in the bank. Do odd jobs: clean toilets if you have to. Do whatever it takes to get money—legally–because you are going to need it.

The next part of the climb is to create a budget. First write down everything you buy, from gum to cigarettes, social activities, bill, children, lovers, etc. When you have that completed, you will need to start eliminating expenses. Take out what you “like” or what you “want,” and leave only what you “need.” Stay away from get-rich schemes and casinos or scratch-off tickets. Avoid asking for loans, because you will only have to add that to the very expenses you are trying to minimize.

The key to the climb is to do exactly that: climb. Climb out of your self pity. Climb out of your financial stress. Climb out of your fear and rise above your situation. You are the same intelligent, motivated and talented person you were before everything started to change for the worse. The only thing that you need to change is your circumstances. You may end up being the only Doctor at McDonalds, but you will at least be making money. Just believe that you are not bound by your situation and that you can rise from the ashes like a phoenix, and you will shine brighter than ever before.

AJ Cross

AJ CROSS  is originally from Montreal and has written the “Cross Eyed” column for seven years. He lives in Fort Lauderdale where he serves as budget advisor to the City Commission.

In the midst of all the current political rhetoric, it can be difficult to identify the best candidates in terms of the issues relevant to the LGBT community, along with identifying the true supporters of same.  I personally think it is important to make a voting decision based upon a broader spectrum of issues than a candidate’s position on gay issues, but the trend today is to ask “what will you do for me?” before asking “what will you do for us/everyone?”

Since Hillary Rodham Clinton’s eloquent speech about gay rights last year before the U.N. High Commission on Human Rights, a leading issue at every level of elections, federal and state through county and local, is LGBT rights. Our own Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz of Florida’s 20th Congressional District, who also chairs the Democratic National Committee, has taken an aggressive stand against any politician seeking to suppress  gay rights.

That aside, who is the right person for whom you should cast your vote? Should you vote solely based on that candidate’s positions on gay marriage, or domestic partnerships, or gay adoption?  What if the Democratic candidate supports everything in the “gay agenda,” but wants to increase taxes?  What if the candidate marches in Pride parades in full-blown drag, but has no interest in healthcare reform?

While acknowledging the importance of the continuing fight for equality, intelligent adults need to understand our candidates’ positions, and research not only what they say they will do, but also what they have done in the past, and how they conduct themselves as people.  I don’t believe that it is possible for a person to truly separate who they are in their personal life from who they will be in their political life.  Knowing about a person’s life can help identify certain attributes that they will likely bring to bear in elected office.

In Fort Lauderdale, the non-partisan mayoral race includes Jack Seiler and Earl Rynerson.  Members of the LGBT community may recognize the fact that Rynerson is a gay man, but does that guarantee he will be the gay person’s politician?  First as mayor of Wilton Manors, and now as Fort Lauderdale’s incumbent mayor, Seiler twice advocated and passed domestic partnership ordinances. I remember the day he looked me in the eye and said, “A.J., I am fully committed to making this happen, and I will.”  He was true to his word.  Does this make him the gay person’s politician?

My feeling is that politicians are destined to act “politically.” Considerations of political survival and decisions that seem illogical or simply wrong are par for the course. The question we have to ask is how genuine are a candidate’s aspirations and political promises? Will he or she be brave enough to stand behind their convictions when it matters? There will never be a perfect president, governor, or mayor, but there will be those who bring integrity, good intentions, and a true understanding of our needs to their offices.

There never has been and never will be a “gay person’s politician.” There are simply politicians. It was Seiler who said that “good public policy always makes for good politics, but good politics seldom makes for good public policy.”

AJ Cross

AJ Cross is a social writer and regular contributor to Florida Agenda. He can be reached at CrossEyed@jumponmarkslist.com.

While standing alone by the pool table at your favorite hangout, a random stranger introduces himself to you only to ask if he was in the right place, because he was supposed to meet some friends.

Taken back by his beautiful dark blue eyes, full red lips and intentionally messy auburn hair, you did not even realize he had asked you a question.  And then his smile emerges as he repeats the question nervously. “Um yes, this is the place,” you reply. “Hi I’m Jake,” he says while still smiling. You introduce yourself and still you are taken back by how ridiculously attractive he is. “I just moved here a few weeks ago, so I am still learning my way around.” You already knew he was not from around here, because there is no way that that smile would have eluded you this long.

He thanks you and then walks off. For the remainder of the evening you find every opportunity to catch a glimpse of him. After about forty-five minutes, a miracle happens.

He and his friends come toward the pool table and it turns out that one of the people in his group knows you and decides to introduce you to him. You both smile and shake hands again as if it was the first introduction.  As the group of friends begin to play pool, you both dive into intense conversation. He is witty, charming and his childlike humor quickly draws you in.

He then says, “I want to show you something” and then he stands up, lifts up his shirt and digs into his pants and your thinking, “Oh shit,” and then he pulls a book out. You laugh out loud but don’t reveal why it is you’re laughing. A strange sense of relief matched with a tad of disappointment fills you now that you realize what he was reaching for. He tells you that he takes the book with him everywhere, because it’s “hilarious” and he tells you that when you read about “Mr. Peepers,” you will love it. He then turns to a specific chapter and gives you the book. As you read it and find it to be as funny as he does, you get a sense of him and the lightheartedness in which he takes himself and the world around him.

After reading the chapter and returning the book to him, two commonalities emerge in your continued conversation.  The first is that you both are candid about who you are and have no fear
in acknowledging your humanity or humility. The second, which is odder, is that you love to have someone read to you and he oddly enough finds pleasure in reading aloud to someone. It seems the strangest of things to create a bridge between two people. You manage to make it through an embarrassing attempt at darts, while having a conversation that was not based around Lady Gaga or bodily fluids and just as the interest heightens, it all comes to end by the closing of the bar.

One of the people in the group whispers into your ear. “Don’t get too excited, because he’s straight.”

Normally that would have been devastating news, simply because he encompassed so many attributes you found appealing, but then the strangest thing happens in your head. You think to yourself that even though any hope of dating or elevating to intimacy is not an option, you have just encountered one of the most interesting of persons. Remove sexual incompatibility, jealousy, envy or any of the elements that make being a boyfriend to someone complicated and you end up with something even better: a friend.

Who would have thought that a plastic parrot named “Mr. Peepers” would introduce you to what you hope will be a great friend. Damn, where are the crackers?

By AJ Cross

I love key lime pie. It is my favorite dessert of all time. The problem with having a favorite dessert is that there is no compensating for taste. Cost is not an issue when it comes to satisfying that particular craving.

The difficulty, however, is locating that one perfect slice. It has to be the perfect texture, temperature, crust, density and taste. I have regretfully eaten a key lime pie which was described and marketed as the “perfect” key lime pie. Unfortunately, it was anything but.

That sour, dry and mushy kind of pie left a horrible impression and was an insult to my taste buds.

Well finding the perfect piece of pie is not dissimilar to finding the perfect lover. Sure at first their look is right; their body is appealing and their smile, like the sign which reads “the perfect pie,” draws you in. Everything seems in order and then you close your eyes, open your mouth and take that first bite. Not quite what you had expected at all and you realize there is no reason to continue, and then that familiar taste of disappointment creeps in.

Then you realize what the mistake was; you went searching for perfection.  When you set out looking for something, it is rare that you find it. Usually it finds you. Even then, it is important to know  that perfection is not obtainable.  Everything comes short of our greatest expectations. The saying “you can’t love someone in slices” is appropriate for this week’s column. We must learn to be realistic and to understand that just as someone has to take good and bad together, we must extend them the same courtesy. You have to decide what the most important characteristics and traits are and hope that through  compromise and work that the rest falls into place.

You have to be true to yourself and your needs, yet also be sensitive to theirs.

That is the hardest balance to find in seeking a lover. So many people think that if the relationship takes work, then it is not meant to be. Why is that? If you work hard to be successful; work hard to be a good person; work hard to impress society, then why would something so important like finding a lover not be worthy of a little hard work?

Even when there are recipes out there for the perfect key lime pie, people still get it wrong. There is no recipe for the perfect relationship, and anyone who has been in one for any significant amount of time will tell you that there is no magic or instructions to give. It just takes a willingness to blend two different lives and personalities into one that is harmonious.

Don’t go chasing it. Don’t waste time putting yourself out there for someone that is simply an option to you, or worse, considers you one. Make a conscious decision about someone. Let more than looks, or popularity or their material trappings lean you toward pursuing someone. Be ready for all the would-be perfect pies and know that it will be when you least expect it that the perfect pie will present itself to you. When that happens, grab your fork and dig in.

I have had very good pie but I have yet to find the “perfect key lime pie.” I know with certainty though that it is out there and when I find it, I will take it on slice by slice.

AJ Cross

By AJ Cross

What will be your legacy? What will people say of you when you are gone?

We spend our lives second-to-second, minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, and day-by-day. What is the plan for the future? I don’ t mean immedia

te. I mean a future that no longer has us in it.

What is it all for? The long hours of work, issues, struggles, relationships and triumphs of our lives.

Do we live our lives building the foundation of our legacy? Have you thought of what will be left behind and what impact you will make on the world?

How will future generations benefit from us? I was thinking that in the attempt to simply live my life I haven’t paid much attention to what the memory of me will be for others.

I have no idea what my legacy will be. I don’t know how quickly I will be forgotten. Maybe thinking of that legacy will change how I move forward. I haven’t created anything like the “internet” or biometrics, or a cure for a disease.

What will history say about me? What will history say about you?

Did Napoleon or Elvis or Bill Gates, or President Obama, or so many others of like impact on the world set out to become great? Were they seeking to be remembered forever or did they live dayby- day and just stumble into fame and recognition?

I think that we should realize that it is possible to have our names written in the stars, to see past the moment we are in, and create an impact that lasts forever.

Maybe greatness is possible for us, but not something we are entitled to.

I know that I want to leave something good and significant behind. I want to be remembered for something greater than who I was.

Find your goal for a legacy and find your place in the sky where your star will shine bright for all eternity.

By AJ Cross

What is this phenomenon of couples in “open relationships”? What does it mean to have an open relationship? I have been slapped in the face with something I never expected, which is the proposition of an open relationship, and I must say that, though I have known many couples whom have been together for a long time and decide to open there relationship to other people, I myself was never really fond of the idea.

Gay people have been fighting for the lawful right to marry for as long as I can remember and now, when that endeavor is being realized, gay couples want to navigate away from a monogamous companionship to one which includes the authorization to sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want.

Does the envy and jealousy just disappear because the relationship has become open? Is it really just one of the partners who is tired of having the same thing for dinner every night that pushes for such an agreement while the other partner simply agrees because they are in love or afraid of losing the person?

Will allowing for strangers to enter the sanctity of your relationship – if even just for pure physical pleasure – take away from the idea that you might not be satisfying your lover, or worse, that you are simply not enough for them anymore? As I sit in the middle of one of the strangest decisions of my life, I find myself in need of answers.

This week, I look to my readers to help me! I want to know you your thoughts about this “open relationship” situation.

I want to hear from those of you who are for it or against it and why. I want to hear stories where it caused relief or it caused tragedy.

I need to get as much information as possible so that I can begin to understand all of this. I know how I feel about the prospect of an open relationship, but I can’t seem to get the idea past my heart and traditional idea of what a relationship should be.

Please email me your thoughts, stories, responses to crosseyed@floridaagenda.com and I will publish the best responses in next week’s column.

Thank you all in advance,
AJ