Florida Agenda

By AJ Cross

What will be your legacy? What will people say of you when you are gone?

We spend our lives second-to-second, minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, and day-by-day. What is the plan for the future? I don’ t mean immedia

te. I mean a future that no longer has us in it.

What is it all for? The long hours of work, issues, struggles, relationships and triumphs of our lives.

Do we live our lives building the foundation of our legacy? Have you thought of what will be left behind and what impact you will make on the world?

How will future generations benefit from us? I was thinking that in the attempt to simply live my life I haven’t paid much attention to what the memory of me will be for others.

I have no idea what my legacy will be. I don’t know how quickly I will be forgotten. Maybe thinking of that legacy will change how I move forward. I haven’t created anything like the “internet” or biometrics, or a cure for a disease.

What will history say about me? What will history say about you?

Did Napoleon or Elvis or Bill Gates, or President Obama, or so many others of like impact on the world set out to become great? Were they seeking to be remembered forever or did they live dayby- day and just stumble into fame and recognition?

I think that we should realize that it is possible to have our names written in the stars, to see past the moment we are in, and create an impact that lasts forever.

Maybe greatness is possible for us, but not something we are entitled to.

I know that I want to leave something good and significant behind. I want to be remembered for something greater than who I was.

Find your goal for a legacy and find your place in the sky where your star will shine bright for all eternity.

By AJ Cross

Dear Mom,

I have tried so hard for so long to get you to understand, but no matter how hard I have tried, you just chose not to get it. You are so blinded by your religion and sense of tradition to understand that the harder you hold on to your thoughts, the further you push me away. When dad left you years ago, you forgot that he left me too, and things were just as hard for me as they were for you.

Imagine how hard it must be to feel abandoned by dad, who physically left, and then by you, who emotionally went away. I have done everything I can do to make you happy. I kept up my grades, kept my room clean and did all of my chores; I never argued or gave you a hard time. I picked you up off the kitchen floor and cleaned the broken bottle of whisky that you dove into so many nights. My only mistake was not being smart enough to put a password on my computer. I never thought you would invade my privacy that way. I never thought you would read my emails and find out that I was spending time with him. I never thought that if you found out, you would move so quickly toward anger and disappointment.

Do you think that I want to skip gym class every week out of fear that one of the boys will see me staring too long in the shower? Do you think the look of  disgust on your face pleases me?

I wish you could see that I am still your son. I am not your Gay son, but simply your son who loves a little bit differently than you do.

I am sorry that I am the way that I am, and that you would rather lose me than love me.

They say you never know what you have until you lose it, and it seems that if I can’t get you to love me while I am here and alive, then maybe I will get your love after I’m gone.

I hope your God loves better than you do. I hope His capacity for understanding is better than yours. I hope that when you find me and this letter, that He will hold you in his arms the way I begged you to hold me in yours.

My dying wish is that you share this letter with as many parents as you can, so that they may reconsider their position when it comes to their own gay children. Most of all, I hope that you know I love you so much.

This is my last goodbye and my final apology.

Your Son,

Michael

P.S. To the parents who might read this letter: There are no hugs and I love you’s from the grave.

Ask my mother!

According to the N.I.M.H. (National Institute for Mental Health) In 2010 the leading cause of death for youth ages
15-19 in the U.S. was suicide. 1 out of 5 suicides were related to sexual orientation or matters of homosexuality.

EDITOR’S NOTE:
If you are affected by this column, it is important to remember many people have turned the negativity imposed on them by their friends and families for being gay into positives and have gone on to help many people affected in this way. AJ’s column highlights that suicide is not the answer, we must all work together to ensure another note like the above does not enter our world. It is the job of the Florida Agenda and myself to ensure that solutions are found to all problems within the LGBTQ community. If you identify with the above and feel you can’t go on. STOP and call 954-567-TEEN.

In response to Cross-Eyed by AJ Cross, “Open Relationship Versus Open Heart” in the Florida Agenda, August 18, 2011.

Dear AJ Cross,

With regard to your column in the August 18th edition of the Florida Agenda, let me relate my experience with an open relationship: I have been in an open relationship with my partner of 26 years for about 24 years. It began while I was working, on international travel a lot, and our separation occurred regularly. We never were apart for more than three weeks, but opportunities for sex and quality time (drinking/dancing/eating/touring) with other guys still occurred during our separations.

Since we were both secure in our relationship, we talked about our situation and came up with a set of guidelines for ourselves. While they may not work for everyone, they have been very helpful for us.

1. Be honest and talk openly about everything we do.
2. Recognize that “sex” and “love” are not necessarily the same.
3. Give each person veto power over what the other does.

These guidelines have given us a very stable and interesting life. We feel that sex outside the relationship is to be enjoyed. We often have sex together with a third or fourth guy. It’s fun, especially when there are no expectations of something longer lasting. We like to meet new people and don’t feel jealousy when one or the other sees some eye-candy that casually interests him. There are tons of really nice guys in this world and we learn a lot from them and several of them have developed into close friends.
We now each have multiple different sex partners per month, mostly at the baths, but also from online contacts. We are, of course, careful with the usual health issues. My partner is younger and has more encounters than I, but we are always amazed at the hot guys who actually prefer older men. The fact that we hook up with others encourages us to keep physically fit and active. What you quickly find, after a short while, is that no one is perfect, no matter how hunky or rich. The leading quality we look for in others is their willingness to have a great time with little or no attitude.
Hope this gives you something to consider. I can provide some additional thoughts if you wish.
Anonymous

In response to the News story “Priests Blackmailed” in the Florida Agenda, August 25, 2011.

DEAR EDITOR,
In our part of the Catholic church we don’t, thankfully, have this problem of clergy being outed. Our clergy are male/female; celibate/partnered-married; gay/straight. We are within the framework of the Ecumenical Catholic Communion – ECC.
Maybe some day we will all walk in the manner of Jesus of Nazareth who called all to serve and not to be served.

Thanks for listening,
Father Joe, ofr

Please send all your comments and letters to Editor@FloridaAgenda.com

By AJ Cross

What is this phenomenon of couples in “open relationships”? What does it mean to have an open relationship? I have been slapped in the face with something I never expected, which is the proposition of an open relationship, and I must say that, though I have known many couples whom have been together for a long time and decide to open there relationship to other people, I myself was never really fond of the idea.

Gay people have been fighting for the lawful right to marry for as long as I can remember and now, when that endeavor is being realized, gay couples want to navigate away from a monogamous companionship to one which includes the authorization to sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want.

Does the envy and jealousy just disappear because the relationship has become open? Is it really just one of the partners who is tired of having the same thing for dinner every night that pushes for such an agreement while the other partner simply agrees because they are in love or afraid of losing the person?

Will allowing for strangers to enter the sanctity of your relationship – if even just for pure physical pleasure – take away from the idea that you might not be satisfying your lover, or worse, that you are simply not enough for them anymore? As I sit in the middle of one of the strangest decisions of my life, I find myself in need of answers.

This week, I look to my readers to help me! I want to know you your thoughts about this “open relationship” situation.

I want to hear from those of you who are for it or against it and why. I want to hear stories where it caused relief or it caused tragedy.

I need to get as much information as possible so that I can begin to understand all of this. I know how I feel about the prospect of an open relationship, but I can’t seem to get the idea past my heart and traditional idea of what a relationship should be.

Please email me your thoughts, stories, responses to crosseyed@floridaagenda.com and I will publish the best responses in next week’s column.

Thank you all in advance,
AJ

By AJ Cross

1) Have a budget!

Go-Go Bars are designed for compulsive mentalities; when you get there thinking you will only spend $20, the temptation and the “wow” compels you to spend more and more. Decide on how much you can afford to spend and then only bring that amount with you.
What to consider? Parking, cover,
beverages, tips, VIP Rooms – and possible cab fare if you drink too much.

2) Place your wallet in front pockets or inside pocket of your jacket!

Often times while sitting on a bar stool or in the VIP Room, wallets fall out and by the time you realize you do not have your wallet it is too late and you have unwillingly contributed to someone’s college fund.

3) Bring Sanitizer Gel or Wipes.

This suggestion is self-explanatory.

4) Be realistic!

Remember that, much like an attorney, doctor or therapist, time is money. Even if the performer is genuinely interested in you, he is there to earn money, so make sure to be in a compensatory state of mind.

5) Take advantage of the bathroom attendant!

If you are NOT supposed to be at a  Go-Go Bar for whatever reason, make sure that you visit the restroom and use mouthwash, lotion and cologne. The person waiting for you at home will not believe you were at Midnight Mass if you smell like smoke, alcohol, musk or anything south of the border.

6) Bring a keychain flashlight!

This will come in handy when inspecting the chair you’re about to sit on in the VIP Room to make sure you will not get gum or DNA on your pants.

7) You can’t find love!

If you are looking for love in a Go-Go Bar…  DON’T! The likelihood  of finding a “Pretty Woman” scenario is not high.

Have you heard the expression that you “can’t turn a Go-Go Dancer into a housewife”? Well that’s not the exact expression, but you get the point.

8) Do your research!

Ask around or look for online blogs about the specific bars you are considering. The best advertising is people like you, so find out what people are saying. If the overall consensus is that a bar has hot guys, good drinks and a fun atmosphere, then you are probably going to enjoy yourself.

9) Where am I?

If you are visiting and alone, carry the address of your hotel or wherever you are staying with you, just in case you drink too much and need a cab. This will help security or anyone else communicate your destination to the driver so that you get home safe.

10) No Means No!

These boys are professionals and have rules and laws to follow, so when they say NO, do not test the water and end up in an unpleasant situation with the performer or security. Waking up in a dumpster after getting your butt kicked sucks!

11) Compensation!

There is only one currency at Go-Go Bars. I have seen people try to tip performers with candy, calling cards and, one time, even food stamps. Cash, cash, cash or the occasional diamond watch or new car are acceptable forms of compensation.

AJ Cross

By AJ Cross

Click here to Read Part I, II, III Cross-Eyed Sideview Mirror first.

(The following is the finalé of a four part series which has run for four consecutive weeks)

He continued kissing me and then, finally, turned me over. He kissed my neck and back and then he propped me up a bit as he began to feast on the lower part of me. I could barely keep my breath as he buried his tongue deep inside of me. After a few minutes of what can only be described as sensational, he whispered into my ear “are you ready”. The question needed no explanation and I just said “yes”. As he pushed it in slowly and steadily, my knees gave out and his strong arms kept me from the ground. He grabbed my waist and hoisted me up and onto my knees. He thrusts were forceful and deep and steady.

His grip upon me was firm and he occasionally would bite down on my neck almost in timing when he would go in the deepest. The sweat began to build on us both and I could feel it dripping from his brow onto my back. He started to push faster and deeper until I could not even feel any other part of my body.

He briefly came out of me and then laid himself down on the floor and, without giving me instructions, I sat upon him and I took over, pretending that he was one of the horses he had been caring for his whole life. The sweat was so much that my hands kept sliding off his broad chest. I leaned down and kissed him as he held my butt in his hands and pushed harder and harder.

Just at the point when, without even touching myself I was going to explode, I heard a hard knock on the window of my car. I opened my eyes and the man in the cowboy hat I had seen in the sideview mirror was standing there. I was taken off guard. Within seconds of first seeing him getting out of his truck, my mind had taken me so far. It all seemed so real to me, yet it all happened in moments in my thoughts.

He gestured for me to roll down the window, so I did and he asked me if I was ok. I told him that the car stalled out and that there were some lights that came on which may be indicating a problem. He told me that there was not going to be a place to stop for a while and offered for me to go with him until the rain stopped.

I turned off the car and grabbed my bag and followed him to his truck. When I got into the passenger side, I could not help but ask him if his name was Luke. He smiled and said no. My name is “Matthew”.

“Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” took on a whole new meaning that night.

By AJ Cross

(The following is the third of a four part series which will run for four consecutive weeks)

Part 1 Here

Part 2 Here

I was so happy he said that and I left my shirt on the floor and asked him to keep talking to me about horses and the work he did.

He sat back down next to me and I took every opportunity I had to look right into his eyes and at his lips as he spoke with that deep, clear voice. He told me he was twenty-nine years old and had been riding and caring for horses his entire life. I took a small risk and asked him why his body looked the way it did and, like every other time he seemed flattered, he smiled and then told me that he was always like that. He played high school football and the work on his family farm was better than any gym he could ever work out at.
He told me he was tired and offered me the use of his shower. He walked me to the bathroom and told me to use any of the towels, as they were all clean and that he would set up the couch with blankets and a pillow. As you can imagine, the couch was the last place I wanted to sleep unless he was sleeping there as well, but that would have been asking too much.

I took off the rest of my clothes, folded them up, placed them on the lid of the toilet and entered the small shower. The water was so hot and it felt amazing. I just stood underneath the powerful stream of water with my hands up against the shower wall. I closed my eyes and, as the water ran over my face, I began to envision Luke and an image of his face and body became clear in my head. I was in awe of him. I could see his subtle smile and beautiful eyes looking at me.

When I opened my eyes and looked down, I realized that simply thinking of him had aroused me and I was completely erect. Just as I realized that, the door to the bathroom opened up and I almost fell in the shower cowering out of sight.  Luke entered the bathroom and told me that the hot water would not last long so he wanted to jump in. I did not even respond to him. He told me that it was not much different than showering in the locker room with his high school teammates.

He dropped the towel around his waist onto the bathroom floor and came into the shower with me.  There was no way for me to hide what was happening below my waist, so I turned away from him hoping he did not catch a glimpse.

I kept on washing my body and, when he asked for the soap, I handed the green bar of soap I was using. Within moments, I felt the same rough hands I had shaken earlier on my shoulder and then on my back. His hands glided over me and the pressure he placed on my neck as he put soap on me was incredible. His hands moved along the sides of my body and around my waist and finally he stood pressed up against me.

I closed my eyes for a moment and I could feel him long and hard and throbbing against my butt and lower back. I did not have to see it to know that he was very well endowed. I just stood there, almost terrified to turn around. As his hands came around my body, touching my chest, stomach and finally moving lower, he grabbed me. I could hardly stay composed. He turned me around and held my face in his hands and smiled slightly as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was so soft and so gentle; surprisingly so.

He held me so tight and we kissed even after the water began to run cold.  The warmth of his touch and embrace was so intense that I didn’t even care that the water was coming out cold. He reached behind me and turned the knob on the shower until the water turned off.  He did not stop touching me; even as we stepped out of the shower he held onto one of my hands. He stood there naked and wet and so gorgeous. He placed a towel over my head and started to dry my hair and then the rest of my body.  I stood there like a child being dried by his father. He then began to dry himself with the same towel and I didn’t move at all.

He grabbed my hand and walked me over to the fireplace, which was burning bright. I sat on the same small carpet and he gently pushed me down until I was lying flat. He started kissing my forehead, then my mouth and moved down kissing my neck and chest and he continued this massage with his mouth all the way down.

To be continued…

By AJ Cross

Click Here to read Cross-Eyed Sideview Mirror Part 1

(The following is the second of a four part series which will run for four consecutive weeks)

He told me he took care of some horses at a stable not far from where he found me, and that he was actually just headed home from work. He looked at me once while answering a question and I finally got to see his eyes.  They were as I had suspected – stunning. They were deep blue with a burst of green and a hint of amber. His lips were full and so red.  He was beautiful.

He told me that he felt bad just dropping me off somewhere and offered to take me back to his place. He told me he would drive me back to my car when the rain stopped. Of course I could not decline his offer, so I said yes almost before he finished asking me. We drove a few more miles and then turned off the main road onto a dirt and stone road on which we drove for another ten minutes.  We drove past a large field with trees and an old wooden fence that seemed to encase the entire field until I could see a small house.

We pulled up to a house with a large porch that wrapped all the way around the side. The paint on the house, which was probably once pristine white, was now dark beige with chipped paint in many areas. He parked, then grabbed my bag and simply said “let’s go”. I got out and ran onto the wooden porch shaking my head like a dog in the rain. I could tell the house was old, as every step I took toward the door was followed by a creak in the wood panels of the porch.

He opened the unlocked door and I followed him in. The room we entered was dark and he told me to give him a minute to get the lights, so I just stood by the door. A few minutes later the room began to glow and I could see the source of the light was a fire he had just started in the fireplace. I found the smell of the burning wood to be very unexpected and pleasant.

As he turned to face me, I was frozen because

he looked so good. It seemed like his denim jeans were airbrushed onto his strong thick thighs and his waistband sat just low enough that I could see what I could only refer to as Brad Pitt lines followed by intense 8 pack abs and incredibly muscular chest with the lightest mist of hair on it. I was speechless to the point that he asked me if I was ok.

It wasn’t until he repeated the question that I responded that I was fine. He told me to go sit by the fire and, as I did so he, came behind me and raised my arms up and pulled off my shirt. I did not expect him to get so close to me, let alone take my shirt off.
I felt so inadequate when compared to him. I am lean and just a bit more than half his size, not nearly as muscular and I immediately crossed my arms over my chest as if to hide myself from him.

He walked out of the room and my mind began to race, wondering how I ended up in his house. Why he looked the way he did and why, of all the people that could have stopped to help me, it was him. As he came back into the room he gave me a cup of hot tea and sat next to me on the small carpet near the fire which, by the way, felt incredible. He pulled off his cowboy boots and his socks and began to rub his feet. Even his feet were beautiful. I was surprised at how perfectly clean and pedicured they were. I asked him if he lived alone and he told me that the house was his grandmother’s and that she had just passed a little over a year ago and left it to him.  His parents were still in Dallas, Texas, where he was from. He told me he liked the sense of isolation and tranquility that moving here had given him. I began to relax a bit and simply leaned back and supported myself by placing my arms behind me on the floor.  I was surprised at how nice he was and impressed by how knowledgeable he was about horses. We talked for a long while and then he stood up and walked to a window and looked back saying “well I guess the rain stopped”. A sense of disappointment came over me as the rain seemed to be the only thing justifying me remaining in his house and in his company. Just as I reached for my shirt, he told me that if I wanted I could just sleep there and leave in the morning since there was not much I would be able to do at 4 in the morning. I had a feeling this was leading somewhere, but I could never imagine what was to come.

To be continued…

(The following is the first of a four part series which will run for four consecutive weeks)

By AJ Cross

It is unclear where he came from, except to say that his arrival could not have been timelier.  Around 2:15am, while driving on I-5 from San Diego to San Francisco, one of the lights on the dash display of my grey Chrysler 300 rental car turned on. Since my gas tank was full, I decided that whatever the problem was could wait until I made it to the next rest stop.  It was pouring so heavily that pulling over wasn’t really an option for me and it wasn’t as if I knew anything about cars anyway.

I continued along cautiously, as I could barely see the road ahead.  I had to be the only car on the road, with the exception of a few big rig trucks that would pass me randomly.  I had already been driving about 3 hours and was checking my cell phone for hotels in the next town, which was called Santa Clarita.  I was listening to Keith Urban on the satellite radio and, just as the song came to an end, a second light turned on indicating another problem with the car and then within a few minutes it stalled.  I turned off the car and then turned the key in the ignition and it started up.  I pulled over to the side and began searching for the roadside assistance number of the rental company.

I was looking in the glove compartment when I could see lights behind me and, as I rose up and looked back, I saw a red truck pulling up behind me.  “Thank God,” I thought to myself.  Out of pure paranoia, I locked my doors and slightly cracked my window enough that I could speak to whoever was coming toward me.  In the side mirror I saw the shape of someone tall walking toward me.  As the person got up to my window I could see it was a man.  He was wearing a white t-shirt and a cowboy hat and the torrential rain seemed not to bother him at all.  He gestured for me to roll down the window, so I did and he asked me if I was ok.  I told him that the car stalled out and that there were some lights that came on which may be indicatinga problem.  I lied, telling him that roadside assistance was on the way just to give myself a false sense of security.

He told me that he knew the area well and that there was not going to be a gas station or rest stop for a while and that, if I wanted, he would wait until help came.  I could barely see his eyes with all the rain and the brow of his dark cowboy hat was low on his forehead preventing me from seeing much of his face.  His voice was deep and he had a moderate country drawl.  Since there was no one actually coming for me, I decided to take his kindness at face value and told him the truth.  He let out a small laugh and told me that he understood that being stuck in the middle of nowhere might be nerve-racking, but he assured me that he was only trying to help.  He suggested that I turn off the engine and grab my things and he offered to take me to the nearest gas station or hotel until the rain let up. He told me the car would be fine there until I could come back for it.

I grabbed my bag, locked the door, ran to his truck and jumped into the passenger side.  I kept trying to get a look at his eyes, but it seemed that even sitting next to him that was not going to happen.  He asked me where I was heading at such a late hour and I told him that I had been driving for a few hours and was headed to San Francisco. I told him that I was lucky that he had come along and he simply smiled.  I could not help but notice his strong arms and well defined body showing through the drenched white t-shirt he was wearing.

I told him that he might want to change shirts so as not to get a cold and he simply took off his hat and pulled of his shirt. His hair had the impression of his hat on it. It was light brown with hints of gold and with small waves. I could barely catch my breath when I saw his body.  His arms were muscular and his chest and abs were so perfect they looked sculpted.  I tried so hard not to stare, as I could only assume he was not gay and did not want to risk offending him – especially after he had been kind enough to stop and help me.

I began to ask him where he was from and, as I was speaking, he interrupted me and asked me my name.  “Um, I’m Clark” I said.  He put out his hand and firmly shook mine and told me his name was Luke.  He was definitely a gentleman and rather country as he said “pleasure to meet you, Clark”.

His grip was firm and I guessed, based on his rough hands, that he was accustomed to hard work or some type of manual labor.  As we continued driving, pretending not to notice how attractive he was became increasingly difficult and I had to keep talking just to avoid my heart from exploding, it was beating so heavily.  I did not know what would happen – if anything at all —but I had to let the situation play out.  I had to give in to the circumstance.

To be continued... Click to Read Part2 Here

By Alex Vaughn

Photo: Toni Barone, Sean David and AJ Cross at Johnny’s 30 Year Anniversary party last year.

AJ Cross is known to many as a  power fundraiser and a beacon of the community. He is currently the Vice President of Johnny’s, fundraiser for  multiple charities and a columnist for the Florida Agenda and Mark Magazine. His annual birthday fundraiser is on the 14th of July and The Florida Agenda sat down with AJ to get to know him a little better.

Where did you live before you moved to Florida?
I am from Montreal originally.

When did you move here to Florida and why?
It was 11 years ago, I moved to Florida originally for work and better weather!

So what’s kept you here?
I wasn’t supposed to be here that long.  It’s an easier lifestyle here. You can’t beat the weather and the ocean, especially when you are from up north.

You have become very well known for your incredible fundraising. How did that come about?
It was odd. What happened initially was I did a few birthday parties and they were big in scale, so I started to think I wanted to do more than my $50 a year to a charity.  I realized at my parties I had a captive audience that I hoped had the same mind set for giving that I had and the economy was much different to how it is now –people were able to give more! A lot of my clientele is wealthy, so I utilized that as I knew they were able to give a lot of money. I thought ‘what if I disguised a fundraiser as my birthday party’? So I did; the very first was for Poverello. It grew from there.  The first was at Cupids in Palm beach and it’s appropriate that this one is a reunion of the Cupids crowd, but at Johnny’s.

How do you feel community has changed for the better?
I think the best change is that now more than ever we have a sense of unity on a global scale. You hear about India and Israel – countries fighting for equality.  You used to  only hear about cities, then states, it’s new for me.
This is a political climate with a president who is not afraid to say the word gay, and the idea that it’s no one’s business who you sleep with – that’s new for us!

What negative changes do you see?
The economy has forced people to become less able to give because now people simply can’t afford to. Ultimately, I would like to get to a point where the gay community becomes more accepting of itself. I want to go to a bar and see a gay guy and lesbian or a tranny and a masculine gay man. I want to see those walls fall first before we get so eager to demand others accept us. We are so judgemental of each other, yet we get so angry when we are judged by others.

How long have you been with Johnny’s, and how has it helped your fund raising efforts?
Three years. Well, the very first year I was there, Sean is very aware of my interests; the outcome was I got non-profits to use the space at Johnny’s on Wednesdays to have fundraisers. I turned johnny’s into a rainbow lounge and offered that space for non-profits, for that year and a half we booked it 11 times. It was on Wednesdays, and we did the first for Kids in Distress.
I don’t have fundraisers on nights people don’t party, so they are usually on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, so that people who are in the industries can participate! Traditionally, my biggest supporters come from bar owners and club owners who come to support my events.

How much money do you think you have raised over the years?
This is my 9th year, and I believe after contact with all my different agencies I feel comfortable saying a hundred thousand dollars at least.

Photo: AJ?Cross with The Stable’s Russell, at one of AJ’s many fundraising events.

What do you see for the future?
It is interesting. I have no idea how I got here.

Sometimes my aim is bigger than who I am. I put myself in a position where people have expectations. I speak to people who talk about me and who didn’t even know I was AJ Cross, who I am when I’m home with my boyfriend is different to  the persona! I believe in what I do. I think that people should use whatever means they have to better the community. Sometimes its popularity or connection or just money, but it’s better than just going to pool parties with hot guys that do not serve to better the world!

This year’s event will benefit Covenant House. Why did you choose them?
I chose Covenant House because I was homeless, which I don’t think many people know. I was a recipient of some of the benefits of Covenant House when I was a younger person. It’s a great organization. I ask nothing of any of the charities. If it moves them to advertise the event, then great. All I require is they come and pick up the cheque!

Do you have any desire to run for the Mayor of Wilton Manors?
Well, as you may know, I was unanimously  appointed to the Budget Advisory Board of the City of Fort Lauderdale in  December of last year. That was huge for me that they overlooked my profession and appointed me based on merit and what I have done with the community. As for as running for Mayor, if I got to a point where I feel who am I as a person and my expertise could do more to sustain or further develop the city, then I will run.

Do you see yourself making Florida home forever?
Home is where you make it. It took me a long time to consider Florida as home, but if life took me in a different direction, I wouldn’t be closed minded to that.

Your column Cross Eyed has been very well received. I have been receiving fantastic feedback. How did that come about?
I am pleased to hear that. I take  a lot of time considering each article I write. It emerged in Buzz Magazine five years ago and it ran every week. Bobby Blair was the publisher of that publication as well when it started. It then went so SFGN and now it’s at Mark and Agenda. It has bounced around! I decided to keep writing and I want people to know I have never taken a dollar from my columns. I write because I really believe in what I am writing and that it will emotionally impact the readers. I got an email from someone whose brother died in the military; he was very moved  by the piece I wrote and that’s what I write for. Sometimes someone needs their story to be told and they need a voice.

What inspires you to write?
Sometimes it’s something that I overhear, or a conversation I had with a person – although I have to say 8 times out of 10, it’s something that pissed me off. I find a way to understand it by writing and investigating. I find an understanding or make peace with it, and it helps that I feel people share the emotions I evoke. I also write out of a selfish motive, to help people understand me more. I am not fond of the assumptions they make of me, I like people to surprised by who I really am.

What would you like your legacy to be how and would you like to be remembered?
I would like to remembered as somebody who lived their life. My life was set up for me to fail. I lost most of my family at an early age, and had many aspects of my life that should have led me down a different path. I am 44 now and whenever that time comes when I’m no longer here, I want people to know your life is your own and it’s possible to beat the odds – success for me is being given a certain path in life that would have taken you to not the best places, and being able to prove to myself that I could change the path and beat that, [I was] better than  people expected me to be. I don’t know what the purpose is; life is a game. Here’s all this crap we are going to give you and you can change that into a delicious cake!

That’s interesting. Do you feel that your life is that cake?
Yes I do. I’m 44, not a criminal, not a drug addict, still alive and HIV negative. I survived all the things that could have affected me – I didn’t do it on my own. I had helping hands, some known and I am sure some unknown, but I am being interviewed about the good things I am doing.  This is not about how was your 9 years in prison! I am also not single anymore, I am very happy with my beautiful boyfriend.

Photo: AJ?Cross with the infamous &?fabulous,  Fort Lauderdale’s very own Dame Edna.